Like many professional direct marketers, I'm a junk mail junkie. Good or bad, I read most of what ends up in my inbox looking for ideas, inspiration, and occasionally, a good chuckle.

Last month I received an oversized mail piece from an East Coast technology vendor that broke virtually every direct marketing rule in the book. (Names and other incriminating details will not be revealed here, in order to spare those responsible.)

The mailer arrived in an oversized, 9 x 12 envelope with the teaser copy:

"What Can You Expect from AcmeTech? High Scores from META Group. A Competitive Edge for You."

"Dear Howard:

In a business environment that thrives on real-time information - and lots of it - data warehousing is a real priority for most senior outsourced analytic strategists. But in a market dominated by traditional database vendors, truly innovative Enterprise Data Warehouse (EDW) technology just hasn't been available. Until now."

"The enclosed Vendor Analysis from META Group rates the AcmeTech 1000 system in drill-down detail ..."

1. Selling the product, not the offer.

The entire campaign reads like a product brochure, not a direct mail program. Nowhere is there any suggestion of why someone would respond, other than to discover yet more superlatives about the product.

2. Assuming an immediate need.

I have no idea why my business needs Enterprise Data Warehousing. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But nothing about this mailer invites me to discover why the technology would make a difference. Instead it just assumes that I know data warehousing is "a real priority" for me (it isn't), and then tells me AcmeTech is the best product.

3. Giving away the offer.

The META report might have made a good offer - at least it would have provided a specific reason to respond. Instead, the letter closes with "For more details about this innovative solution ..."    Just how much more detail do I need?

I could go on. I've received two phone calls from this company following up on the mailer and a second, dimensional piece that preceded it a week earlier. Creative issues aside, I'm also tempted to question a list strategy that identified the president of a marketing agency as a "senior outsourced analytic strategist." But that would be over-kill.